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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. "I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entira man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on
Pearl jewelry his roof. so he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "gorilla removers". he calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. the gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. he's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "what are you going to do?" the homeowner asks. "i'm going t
Pearl jewelry o put this ladder up against the roof, then i'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. when the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. the gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." so the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. as he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "what's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "if the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the damn dog!"
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Computer style monotone: Hello, I am the XS486 Mark Five answering machine. I am equipped with the new Pentium processor to a
freshwater pearl necklaces ssure that nothing can go wrong... Gowrong... Grong.. Grong gronggronggrongBEEPYou have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.the "claven theory" offers the besy proof that beer actually does make you smarter..... "one afternoon at cheers, cliff clavin was explaining the buffalo theory to his buddy norm. and here's how it went: well ya see, norm, it's like this... a he
freshwater pearl necklaces rd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. this natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. in much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. in this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. that's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." don't you feel smarter after a few?
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a champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. the horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "all you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'alllleee ooop!' really
pearl bracelets loudly in the horse's ear. providing you do that, you'll be fine." the jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. the race begins and they approach the first hurdle. the jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the cen
pearl bracelets ter of the jump. they carry on and approach the second hurdle. the jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. the same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump. at the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "it's no good, i'll have to do it," and yells, "allleee ooop!" really loudly. sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. this continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third. the trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. the jockey replies, "nothing is wrong with me - it's this horse. what is he - deaf or something?" the trainer replies, "deaf?? deaf?? he's not deaf--he's blind!"
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This is an actual account by a worker at a technical support and service center. One particular customer had an old console-type machine with a print head that
Pearl Pendant would ride back and forth on a spiral shaft. They also had a big bushy cat who liked to sit oFrom Harper's Magazine: Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75 Found on the seal of a bag of bagels: NEW IMPROVED Made the old fashioned way Sign in a restaurant: "We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone." Heard onA man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was no
Pearl Pendant t prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't giva vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. he told them to go way ! and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "ok, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "good!" said the first bat, "because i didn't!"
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(Recorded directly from AT&T:) We're sorry, but the number you dialed is disconnected or no longe
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